Most of us try to avoid computer viruses, but for those of you out there who love to pay for virus removal on a regular basis, here is a list of the best ways to build up a healthy malware infestation.

  1. Open emails from everyone, especially people you don’t know.  You get double points if the email is from a Canadian pharmacy.  Triple points if you open the attachment.

  2. Click on everything that pops up while browsing the web.  If it is flashy or starts talking to you, you’ve hit the jackpot.

  3. Use filesharing sites to get free movies or music.  Remember as long as you get at least 100 songs per virus, its still cheaper than iTunes.

  4. Let your kids use the computer unsupervised.  Kids never break things or click on anything they shouldn’t.

  5. Click on every flashing banner ad that says FREE LAPTOP!,  FREE IPAD!, and CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE OUR 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000TH VISITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Click on Facebook status messages that say, “OMG!!! Guess who’s been viewing my profile!!!”  Download the app so that you can see who’s been viewing your profile too.

  7. Install as many Internet Explorer Toolbars as possible, especially the ones that come with free Smiley’s.  If you can still see actual web pages, keep downloading.

  8. Download files from untrusted sources without verifying them first.  If the site has warez anywhere in its name, this is a bonus.

  9. Don’t use a reliable anti-virus program such as Avast  Better yet, see if you can find a free copy of Security Tool or XP Anti-Malware 2011.

  10. Turn off automatic Windows updates and don’t let your antivirus update either.


In all reality, I hope no one actually wants to get infected.  Regular virus removal isn’t cheap.  If you are more interested in learning about How to Avoid Malware, see our article by the same name.


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